Sock it to me, Baby!

It’s The Great Sock-It-to-Me Exchange. The warmth you feel from your bloggy support is a warm and fuzzy pair of snuggly socks. Take the support with you for a trip to the stirrups. Wear them when you’re chasing around your battle-won little person. Put them on when you have something to celebrate or when you need a hug. Wear them as a physical reminder of all the people inside your computer who you know care for and are thinking of you.

-Kym

Last year when I participated in the SITM exchange I was more in the blog world to give support than to receive it. This year I have needed and received so much support and love and encouragement that it melts my heart to think of you guys inside my computer taking time out of your day to give me a boost.

Without your support I would not be where I am now in my Quit Smoking Quest. Almost all of you are non-smokers and it means a lot that you come here to cheer me on instead of saying “Suck it up, Loser! You shouldn’t have started in the first place so why should I waste my time on you?”

I thank you and my family thanks you. YOU GUYS ROOOOOOOOOCK!

Someone out there knows me, has really listened, and paid attention to the things I have posted. That or she dug through a ton of posts to see that I am a cherry freak! I was so surprised and happy to see that QuietDreams was my SITM buddy! She’s a one of a kind, caring friend who is always there with a comment or a smile. She’s been through some really rough crap this past year, things I wouldn’t wish on anyone, and I really hope things start to look brighter very soon. These socks couldn’t be more perfect and I wear them all the time now! I love ya, girlie!

I received Suzy from Not a Fertile Myrtle and I hope she enjoys the socks I sent her. I have been lurking on her blog for awhile now and I promise to comment more often. I look forward to really getting to know her and interacting with her until she calls me a crazy stalker just like Kym does. Hope you’re ready Suzy!

and I am okay with where I am at.

The Bad:

I have had a few minor set backs with the non-smoking plan. I am still holding at about 10 cigarettes a day but I have hit a wall. A big wall. I just cannot push my timer higher without freaking out to the point of a panic attack. I have “cheated” a few times and went ahead and smoked when there was 10-20 mins left on the clock. I think it’s hit so hard this week because it’s THE WEEK. The week women dread and men fear. Jase and I have talked about all this at length and he’s been so damn supportive it makes me want to squeeze him until his eyes pop. We’re going to let 1 hour 50 minutes become my new normal. That’s usually 10-12 cigs per day depending on how long I am awake. Once my nicotine level evens out and 10 really becomes my new normal I will begin upping the timer again.

It really is a process and not a race. I am sorry if I have disappointed any of you but I am damn proud of myself and how I’m handling this.

The Good:

I am down from almost two CARTONS a week to one carton EVERY 2 WEEKS. That’s amazing. I have not have any full out meltdowns emotionally because for once I am going about quitting the right way. I’ve had a few panic attacks but they were mostly internal and I didn’t lash out at anyone so I consider it a win.

I have also switched from Light 100’s to Ultra Light 100’s. This cuts my nicotine intake from .7 mg a cig to .4 mg a cig. I’m still off the patch unless I have a really bad day like today. I just cut the patch into 1/4 and the day went a bit smoother. Instead of 21 mgs of nicotine coursing through my blood it’s 5mg plus whatever I am smoking. MUCH BETTER!

Someone likened me to a compulsive over eater. At first I didn’t get it but the more we talked about it the more it made sense. I’d smoke when I was happy, sad, nervous, excited, angry, tired, bored, stressed, etc. The more I smoked the more helpless I felt to change it/beat it and I would smoke more.  I began to hate myself and what I had become and what it was doing to my family. Second hand eating never hurt anyone. If I had treated food like I did my cigarettes I would’ve been 500 pounds or more or dead. Quitting smoking is like dieting. It’s not a one time goal it’s a complete lifestyle change and I have to take the journey to find Heather the healthy non-smoker who possesses the coping skills necessary to handle stress and emotions without reaching for a pack of cigarettes. Kicker is that I hate having emotions. Happy is ok but any other I avoid at all costs. I like to shut down and become comfortably numb.

The BLOATED:

I have gone from drinking  0 ounces of water a day (cokes only) to drinking 168 ounces of water a day. That’s freaking 1.3 GALLONS!) It was 96 ounces until I got a much bigger water bottle last night. The secret for me is having a bottle with a built in straw. For some reason it’s easier to suck down copious amounts of water than to try and chug it. I am cheating a little and using a little Propel powder in it. Again, going from one extreme to another takes time and some getting used to. I will start putting less powder in and get used to plain water in time. I’ve had 1 Coke in the past 2 weeks and the surprising part is I didn’t get caffeine withdrawal at all. WOOOOOO score one for Heather! I have a huge Brita bottle with a spigot and got another cheap plastic 2.5 gallon jug to put the filtered water in while the Brita filters even more water.

I’ve had to get a mild diuretic to help get rid of all the water I am retaining. I’ve never retained water IN MY LIFE and I wouldn’t recommend it. What everyone failed to mention is that it would take around 24 hours to kick in so I was up and down at the butt crack of dawn running to the bathroom.

The daily horrific heartburn is gone and my ulcer has really chilled the fuck out.

If you’ve made it this far then you’re my hero and I couldn’t have done any of this without your support and I love you for it. Thank you!

Now I will distract you with beauty!

Becca? Thinking? This will not end well for anyone.

Mom let me wear makeup today! Squeeee!

Pretty Princess!

Becca's New Outfit. Long Skirt Version

Shortened Skirt Rolled At The Waist.

My Baby's First Pair Of Heels!

Congrats to my mom for getting a sweet new ride! To make things even better she sold her minivan in a record 12 hours! Have fun cruising around town in your BRAND NEW CAR!!!!!!

Party ova here!!!

Got a couple of video clips for ya’ll.

This first one shows how noisy a ferret can be when he wants out of his cage to play.

Next up is the cat, Nicky, playing with Bueller. Nicky is soooo gentle with him that I haven’t heard Bueller squeak once while they were playing. Nicky mostly tries to hold him down to give him a bath.

Well, since this blog started with a post about how much I love my wife, I think it’s only fitting that I sneak in here on it’s anniversary to let her know how much I still love her.  Sweetie, I just want you to know how much I love you.  I love you more than video games.  I love you more than my big screen TV.  I love you more than my computer.   I love you more than my new baby, Ferret Bueller.  I love you more than cheese (and that’s ALOT!).

I also want you to know how much I appreciate all the little things you do for me.  From putting together my ferret’s cage, to cooking me bacon-wrapped meatloaf.   From bringing me dinner, to helping me remember silly little things like our anniversary.  From making sure I feel appreciated, to getting me awesome little things I love, even though I’ve told you not to spend any money.

Finally, I would just like to stress how supremely proud of you I am for how well you are doing quitting smoking.  You have been doing it responsibly and conscientiously, showing that you are truly serious about it.   You are doing such an amazingly difficult thing that will benefit our entire family so much, I just want to say thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!

Sweetie, I love you.  Happy V-day!

Sadly the one we’d put a hold on was sold YESTERDAY. They had just gotten 3 more in about an hour before we got there. Boy/Girl twins and an albino. The albino had red eyes and that’s a no-no here. I no likes red eyes. Jase played with the twins and decided the boy was a great fit. They hadn’t really been trained so they still like to nibble on fingers. It doesn’t hurt at all, they just want to play.

The cage came in today and I had a great time putting it together. I’m sorry did the sarcasm drip on you there? Here’s a paper towel. I have a picture of it but it wasn’t completed by any means. Bedding, food dish, water bottle, etc. came after we went to the pet store.

So here he is!

Yesterday I only smoked 8 cigarettes and I have had one coke the entire week! I’m going to make my goal date!!!

Dance with me!!!!

Jase is finally getting something for himself.  A pet of his own. With the money we are saving on cigarettes we can afford to do something for HIM. When we went to the pet store a few weeks ago he got to playing with the lone ferret and he fell in love. Today he just wanted to go and visit and play with him again so off we went. Seeing how happy Jase was and how much that ferret loved Jase I was sold.

We bought the cage online tonight and will go this weekend to get the ferret. Jase wants to go down to the pet shop tomorrow and ask them to hold onto the ferret til we can get the cage in.

Now we need a name!

We’ve narrowed it down to 4 choices. Help us decide! Poll embedded below. Jase is leaning away from Ron Weasley but I like it and I made it up damn it! I admit though I love Ferret Bueller!

Click the dot ABOVE the name you want to choose!